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Nigger, petty, prissy, bitch, rude, selfish, know-it-all, white-acting: all words that people have called me. All words that I have been called and to which I negatively responded, allowing them to change my mood or feelings in the moment and long after the moment had passed. Words that intrinsically had no value until I assign them one with feelings, thoughts, actions or reactions. In doing so, I failed.
Pretty, smart, funny, generous, kind, eloquent, sophisticated: all words that I have also been called, which had no value until I ascribed them one. When I allowed these sentiments to boost my ego, I failed.
Fat, skinny, pretty, ugly, sweet, haughty, bumpy-faced, clear-skinned: all words that I have called myself. Labels that I used based on how I felt at that moment. In reducing myself to mere words, I failed.
Giving words and the people who use them (including myself) power to affect my mental, emotional or physical state is a failure. Not a failure in the “nobody is perfect” sense, but a failure in that I have reduced myself to the human language, reduced myself to what people think I am or who I believe myself to be.
Labels are not enough because my “I am” is too much. I am perfect, because the Creator of my being is perfect. I fail in my perfection because I have not yet mastered the art of “being”. I am still, at times, swayed by my thoughts and other people’s words. I am occasionally moved by people’s perceptions and how I think I should act. I sometimes wear masks to hide my “I am” for fear that my “I am” is not enough or will be misconstrued or is too much………………
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