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I declare war!
On our Teens being exposed to porn, having to think about what gender they want to be, if being with the same sex partner is right for them and a host of other things, that in my generation growing up as a Teen we didn't have to think about nor consider.
A lot of us Single Mothers feel awkward or haven't seen the need to talk to our teenage sons & daughters about these exposures. Mainly because we don't know what to think about them our selves and even how to feel about it and we are totally unprepared should the subject or question come up.
If you are having difficulty either starting the subject, having the conversation, asking or even answering the questions when they come up, here are a few tips to help you through this process.
First off: should your teenager become interested in knowing about sex and engage in watching pornography. Don't flip out and become overly anxious about it! (Its bound to happen especially if they have their own personal computer) Simply explain to him/her that these are actors/actresses performing to help some people fulfill a fantasy they have in their minds. Pause and let them process what you just said. Let them know you are open to discussing this with them if they have any questions.
Secondly tell them that most teenagers are not sexually active as it may seem or shown in the media and that it is okay to wait so as to value themselves and those potential babies that can be made -not to mention the std's and the emotional responsibility that comes with it. Go in as much as they want to hear. You want your child to learn about sex in the context of valuing themselves, the other person and relationships, not just to prevent diseases. This is your time to really instill your values and help them "see" the consequences of making this decision they are not ready for.
Secondly: Its difficult to turn on the TV and not see adults engaging in an intimate act with the same sex. Explain to them that in our society this is shown to be normal, and for some people they are intimately attracted to the same sex, therefor for them it feels normal, however that there is a difference in something being normal and something being natural. You may ask them the question that if everyone was to engage in this act, would there be babies born? Our human species would eventually go extinct because 2 men/woman cannot produce a baby. This will help them see the unnaturalness of it. Explain that everything on Earth has a female/male duality and it is designed that way so the species will procreate itself to perpetuate life. Do not make them feel anyway about it, just give them the truth, be honest and keep it simple.
Thirdly: Always be as honest as you can about these things...about everything. Accept the fact that your Teenager is the one who is going to be making the big decisions as far as his own sexuality is concerned. Come to terms that you no longer have control over this nor most of their actions, as much as you might want to. “What you can and should do is guide them to learn to take responsibility for the consequences of their actions and give them the information they need so he/she can make the best decisions for themselves.
Should you want to learn more on how to talk to your Teenager and Children about sex, and other things send me a message, I am happy to help. To learn more about Victoria Shakoor visit: http://www.singleparentingmastery.com
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