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The Pain And Confusion Started At Five Years Old

The Pain And Confusion Started At Five Years Old






The following two part series (possibly more) is pertaining to a subject that is very serious and usually swept under the rug. It’s a topic so horrible that the victims actually believe that they asked for the pain, that they actually did something to endure the unnecessary lifelong pain and confusionChild Molestation is a evil that must be dealt with immediately, meaning the most strict laws for punishment to unlimited consoling for the victim.

Included in this series is writings from a dear friend whose family has gone through some of the horrific circumstances involving child molestation. We thought it would be good to share portions of their story in hopes that others will open up and release that heavy burden plus I’m being selfish to a certain extent because I believe this could be the beginning of a book which she is the perfect candidate to write. Here’s the setup….



 The Pain And Confusion Started Before It Began…



I received a call from my niece and she said that my sister was having a bad day. Minutes later I called my sister and she answered the phone as she always does when I call, saying ” heyyyy M“, I said ” I thought you were having a bad day?”, she insisted that she was fine. Ups and downs!  Let me start from the beginning of this very disturbing tale, my sister L is the “eldest and the wisest” according to her. She is the one I am the closest and I have always admired my sister. She has always been encouraging and I’ve always thought she was the smartest person in the family. Highly educated and hard working. I can truly say that I not only love her but more so I respect her. She is a God loving and fearing woman, although we have different beliefs that has never got in the way. There are four girls in the immediate family, the two oldest have different fathers. My parents were married October 22, 1961,  three children came out of that union, one of which was my brother, EBJ Jr., who past away in 1979 at the age of the sixteen. I will talk more about him in the future. Back to my sister, born in  the “Ham”, thats Birmingham, Alabama to you young folks,  in 1957. She has two children and is married to a wonderful man that I affectionately call “bro-in-law,” who she credits with helping her deal with the pains of her childhood, due to his early addiction issues and compassion for her struggles. She worked for the IRS, a job she held for more than a decade, this all while she graduated from Dunbar (“Mighty Men”) high school and from UIC, circle campus.  Who would have thought that she could or would accomplish all of this, with a childhood that was anything but a fairy tale. It all began at the age of 5. I will allow her to tell you the rest…



Certain Factors Regarding The Pain and Confusion




Some general characteristics have been identified by the American Psychological Association:


Older children tend to be at greater risk for sexual abuse

  • 0-3 y/o: 10% of victims
  • 4-7 y/o: 28.4% of victims
  • 8-11 y/o: 25% of victims
  • 12 and older: 35.9% of victims


  • Girls tend to be at greater risk of sexual victimization than boys.
  • However, boys are more likely to be victimized by a perpetrator outside the family than girls.


  • Children with disabilities are at elevated risk of abuse, particularly, if the disability impairs their perceived credibility, e.g., blindness, deafness, and mental retardation.

Prior history of victimization

  • Those with a prior history of sexual victimization are extremely likely to be revictimized. Some research estimates an increased risk of over 1000%.

Family characteristics

  • Absence of one or both parents is a risk factor
    – Some research found that children living with only one biological parent at twice the risk of sexual victimization.
    – Children living without both biological parents were at three times the risk of sexual victimization.
  • Older children from father-only families were also at increased risk of sexual victimization compared to other children.
  • Presence of a stepfather in the home doubled the risk of sexual victimization for girls.

Parental characteristics associated with increased risk

  • Researchers have found that parents with a history of childhood sexual victimization are at an estimated risk 10 times greater for having a sexually abused child
  • Multiple caretakers for the child
  • Caretaker or parent who has multiple sexual partners
  • Drug and/or alcohol abuse
  • Stress associated with poverty
  • Social isolation and family secrecy
  • Child with poor self-esteem or other vulnerable state
  • History of abuse among other family members (e.g., siblings, cousins)
  • Unsatisfactory marriage or intimate partner violence for the mother
  • Parents leaving child at home alone without adequate supervision

Just a taste of what’s to come, more explicit conversation, more stats and options to obtain help. Let’s not forget that our people have a pre-existing condition, encourage those that you know to talk and gain control of their life. Let’s talk. BE SMART, THINK FIRST!





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