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Blog Repost... I wrote this back in the day!
2010 is days away and I approach it with a renewed sense of purpose and faith. The darkness of 2008 is gone. The fog of 2009 is soon to be a memory. I feel the brightness of a New Year awakening inside of me. My heart is thawing. My soul craves for company. I am slowly but surely crawling out of the shell I needed to survive. I have looked in the mirror and didn’t like what I saw. The mirror never lies and it showed a face of bitterness and pain. It showed me that I was holding on to the past. I was basing my life on one man and his actions. I was painting everyone with a broad stroke of distaste and cynicism. I have been exactly what I have joked about in other women. I have become a Bitter Bitch (BB).
You know who I am talking about; we all know one or a tribe. I say a tribe because Bitter Bitches usually travel in packs. They go to parties and sit together and when a man approaches one of the tribe; they look him up and down and dismiss him. Woe to the man that is brave enough to enter the forbidden zone. After they have shown their disdain and sent him on his way. They turn to each other and discuss what was wrong with him. How they could tell he wasn’t about anything etc. etc. ad nauseum. They lament on how there are no good men out there. They rant about past men and their shortcomings and failings. They predict the worst and get exactly what they ask for. The new face of this tribe exists on social networks. I have seen this phenomenon on Facebook. A question is put out in reference to relationships and the BBs pounce. You read comment after comment on how men have wronged them, what is wrong with men in general. The interesting thing is usually they never address the question at hand but a snowball of discontent becomes an avalanche of unhappiness. The men stay silent because they are smart enough to know not to get in the fray because the BBs will skin them alive. Reading post after post made me realize that I had become a BB.
My BB status was a little more subtle. I have never been one to travel in packs. I have always said that when going out it is better to go with one maybe two girls because too many slits spoil the fun. It creates a wall that keeps men away and being a consummate flirt I thrive on the attention of men. The BB had become a little voice in my head. She was the girl sitting on my shoulder, swinging her legs, chewing her gum, looking at the world around her and whispering words of poison in my ear. The couple that were holding hands and smiling at each other with affection, instead of rejoicing in their happiness; the BB would whisper in my ear “Please that is all BS. I give it 6 months and they will be at each other’s throats”. If a man approaches me with interest, the BB foretells falsehoods and regret in the future. A smile from the opposite sex became a leer. Every man became suspect. Every woman in love a fool, the BB had taken residence and was happy.
I now realize what I have become and the sight is not pretty. My face blanches in horror at the bitterness that has filled me. The sparkle of Louise “LuuLuu” “Tweet” Caillouet must return. I must return to the person that believed the glass was half full. I must find the easy smile that was my trademark, the flirtatious nature that was my calling card. Goodbye Bitter Bitch your time with me is up.
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