October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and after kicking it off with the Phat Girls Show with Kat Blade, Melody Walson, Michael Harper and myself, we exhibited great strength and are wonderful examples of how one can overcome Abuse and turn the negative energy into something positive. Not only that we are all VOICES for the unheard.
From the mouth of Kat Blade, "Domestic Violence is Cancer." Kat feels it is as widespread as Cancer and is in desperate need of a Cure. Kat shared some of her experience and the one that really hit home was how she felt ugly and never wanted to take pictures. Her Ex-Abuser had severely damaged her emotionally and verbally to the point she didn't feel comfortable taking pictures. Well today, Kat is still the Beautiful Woman she ALWAYS have been. Today, Kat enjoys the reflection from the mirror and the Camera loves her.
She is no longer that Woman with low-self esteem, she is no longer that Woman who feels she doesn't deserve to be treated like the Queen she is. Kat has overcome many years of Emotional, Verbal and Physical Abuse and is an example of a what a VICTOR looks and behaves like.
Melody's story was quite interesting. It was the total opposite of most of the stories we hear about concerning the homes that Domestic Violence Victims grow up in. Melody came from a supportive and loving home. Based on her testimony, her parents were neither abusive towards one another nor towards her. She stated that she had never heard, nor seen an argument between her Parents. So how did Melody end up in an Abusive Marriage? According to Mel, she watched her siblings accept Abuse and by them being a lot older than her, she was under the impression that Forgiving the Abuse would be the answer. Melody explained that it was never that she provoked her Abuser, it was more so based on his bad decisions. Melody was his outlet for his steam. Her husband would become abusive if he was intoxicated or lose large sums of money from Gambling. Melody explained, even after the first few red flags, she still married him.
Today Melody is single and living for the Lord. She realizes at one point in her life, she didn't love herself nor understand her self-worth. Melody now dedicates her life to helping Women and Domestic Violence Victims. She too is what a Victor looks and behaves like.
Michael Harper was an inspiration to my soul, unlike many Men, Michael was brave and confident when he shared his experiences on growing up being Mentally abused by his father. The world would be a safer place if more Men took some time out to Look Back and understand what happened then Move Forward to LIVE. Too many Men are still influenced by their past lives and many of them are Abusers today. Well not Michael. Michael stated he watched his father abuse his Mother on several occasions and up to the day she died with Stage 4 Cancer. His father was still merciless and Abusive. I asked Michael, had he Forgiven his father and unsure of if he had or not, Micheal simply stated, "my Father's mishaps were his and my Mother's Death was her, why should I be mad at it." The point was Michael refused to allow the behavior of his Father and the loss of his Mother to control or prevent who he has become today. Who is that, a humble and brave Man who reaches out to Women and Charities in an effort to offer a helping hand.
Micheal is giving back to Woman and he says each one he talks and listens to, they all sound like his Mother. My personal thoughts, I wish Michael would empower more Men to speak out and live in today and not yesterday.
As for myself, I shared some experiences that were not included in my Memoir, Perfectly Planned. Even after forgiving my abusers, I found myself in 2 very Abusive Relationships, ranging from Emotional, Physical, Mental and Verbal. The really interesting part was that, I was completely aware of what Abuse was and even though I saw Red Flags, I stayed. However, my strength, knowledge and experience gave me the tools to make him realize he needed help. The man I dated before my husband had a strong dislike for woman and probably still does. Although he was never capable of breaking me, that still didn't say much for me for staying.
During this Abusive Relationship, I became exactly what he was. What's more, I still had anger in me toward Abusive men. I watched my siblings in extremely violent relationships and hadn't Forgiven those Men. So when my Ex began to show signs, I immediately used all I had to break him down and I did. I was trying to help him, but, that Abuse pissed me off and I FELT I gave him exactly what he deserved.
After on and off for 3 years, I walked away after he threw a cup of water on me. That was the straw that broke the camels back. I apologized to him for my bad behavior and moved forward. I remained single for some time so that I could self-reflect on what was inside of me or not, that I would allow myself to be abused again. I found that I had bitter anger inside of me and was Abusive. I had become what I never wanted to become and learning and recognizing that, gave me the opportunity to make the necessary corrections and what's more, keep GOD first.
Melody, Kathy, Michael and I are all rejoicing in the people we are today. We love who we have become and are adamant about helping others. You too can be and do the same. Have Faith, Love yourself and Trust in GOD and all else will follow.
Thank You for reading and Be Inspired.
Author Kelly Porter of Perfectly Planned
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