Today I have been married for a little over 2 Months, however, we dated for about a year and a half prior to that. I must say, I have never been happier in my life. Even when I was single, I didn't experience this much joy.
This is the first Healthy Relationship I have ever experienced. All my prior relationships were Abusive, whether it was Verbal, Mental, Emotional or Physical, they were all UNHEALTHY. I was so confused with what Love was, I thought my relationship with my son's father was Healthy until I met Patrick. Patrick made me see that Love and a Healthy Relationship consist of the following list: There are more, however, I chose to list these.
Shared Responsibility - We do NOT make any decisions without consulting with the other first. We make family/relationship decisions together. We agree on a distribution of work that is fair to both of us. Patrick isn't Shemar's father, but we share the responsibilities and behave as positive, non-violent role models for Shemar, Pat Jr. and Will (My Step-Sons). We also share the same amount of domestic duties and I absolutely LOVE THAT.
Honesty and Being Accountable - We communicate openly and truthfully. We admit our mistakes and we acknowledge our past bad behaviors.We accept full responsibility for our actions. We don't blame each other for why we may have chose to misbehave. We apologize and move forward.
Trust and Support - We support each other's goals in life and respect each other's rights. We understand we are individuals and have our own feelings, opinions, friends, activities and interest. I attend school with Patrick and he attends my Private Lessons with me. We are our biggest FANS!!!
Respect- We value each other's opinions. We listen to one another, and not only listen, but, in a non-judgmental manner. Respect also involves attempting to understand and affirm the other's emotions. Patrick is the first man I have ever respected. Without saying, he is the first Man that's ever respected me.
Negotiation and Being Fair- We are both willing to compromise, accept change, and seek mutually satisfying solutions to conflict. We agree to disagree and we never have a shouting match. This is something Patrick has taught me. He is a very humble and fair Man. I am the Negotiator. (-:
- In our marriage we make financial decisions together. We make sure both of us will benefit from the financial arrangements. Now there are times when either of us may make a sacrifice and allow the other reap the benefit and we love that. We are both Givers. We were both conditioned to spending when we wanted too, however, after we married, it was no problem consulting with each other. I have been hard headed once or twice, but no-one was affected. I made a decision and even though Patrick disagreed, it worked out for the both of us.
- When we disagree, we talk and act in a way that promotes both of us to feel safe in the relationship. We both feel comfortable and safe in expressing ourselves and in engaging in activities. There is NO ABUSE AT ALL.
WE LOVE and BELIEVE IN GOD- We keep GOD at the Forefront of our Marriage. We and with each other. GOD controls our Marriage.
Prior to Patrick, I was used to being called Stupid, Bitch, Whore, not trusted, no support for my dreams, lied to and the list goes on. I thought Love was buying me gifts, Good Sex and taking me out. Boy, was I wrong. I even mentioned in my Book, Perfectly Planned, that my son's father was a Good Man, well, I stand corrected.
Today, I have a GREAT Husband and I will never leave him. We believe in each other and we live by GOD's Laws according to Marriage. Most people will say, it's easier said than done, well WE will say this, I have done everything one can imagine. From sleeping with countless Men/ Women, traveling, spending enormous amounts of money, partying until we didn't remember anything, Menaje a Trois and of course the list goes on. So again, it's easy for us to say we will never part. Why would we, there is nothing left for us to do, but, Grow and Mature Spiritually, Financially, Mentally and Personally TOGETHER.
If you are married and would like to stay married, maintain the list, put GOD first and everything all other blessings will follow.
If you are Single and would like to Marry, know that list like the back of your hand, not only that BELIEVE IT and LIVE IT.
Kelly is the Author of Perfectly Planned!
"Love is only True Love when it is Given and Received."
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