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None of our life stories are unique. Yes, there may be nuances of the details, but the central theme is not uncommon. I share my story in the hopes that it will free someone from a similar struggle.
I have been reading "The Art of Living Out Loud" by Meg Blackburn Losey recently. After each chapter, Dr. Losey gives exercises. All of these exercises are for the reader to be introspective.
Out of the 9 chapters I've read thus far, I believe I've done only of them...halfway...and fell asleep during the task. Just like I learned with meditation, it was not a good idea for me to do a breathing exercise lying down with the lights off while tired.
I was resistant to the exercises because I was not too interested in delving into the whys of my past more than I already do on a day to day basis. I have good reason. One time I dug too deep and came to the shocking realization that I was molested by as neighbor as a child.
Although I haven't fully participated in the exercises, I read them all at the end of the chapter. Since I wasn't trying to find out anything else that may take years to accept, I just settled on doing the "easy" ones...make that one.
Well, a "problem" I have is fairly good recall of things I've read. One of them, about patterns that resurface in our lives, came to me today and made me realize some hard truths about my recurring behaviors and actions.
All of a sudden, I remembered incident after incident and relationship after relationship that had one thing in common: I was rejected and did anything I could to be included, wanted, accepted after that rejection.
When I noticed that trend, I actually started smiling! I wasn't happy that this is the person that I had been. I was happy because I believe that recognizing the pattern loosed the shackles it held on me.
Dr. Losey said that once one changes or alters how they respond to a pattern, the pattern will stop. Well, the pattern would have had no chance to stop had I not identified it and acknowledged that it was my modus operandi.
Now the fun part begins: I get to wait until the karmic repercussions wane. I've put people through some less than favorable circumstances by continuing my patterns. I've done unto others and now it's time to be done unto. My thought is that by realizing the forces that are in play I will be aware that "this too shall pass" and will be open to the lessons I will gain.
Until next time,