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In the beginning it always seems as if they are the perfect one for you. They make you feel safe to love them. They make you feel like there's no one else in this world for you but them. They spend time with you and make you feel like you are the most important person in the world to them. They are, well, in your eyes, everything you've ever wanted. Then....
.....The signs show up but by then you are head over heels in love with them. You have already given them your entire heart. You see the signs yet ignore them. In my case, I ignore the signs for two reasons. One reason was because I was in love with him. We were about to get married and he was the first to ever love me as much as he did. Although I saw the signs, I didn't really think it would actually come to that(emotions over intellect). The second reason is because I knew his background and I was able to relate to him. I knew how it felt to have someone you love walk away from you because you haven't learned to function properly with issues that developed from childhood. I decided to stay with him for far too long because I didn't want to walk away from him like everyone did with me.
Eventually, my world was turned up side down. I never was the type to let people control me and he was pretty controlling. One day I had been really tired and all I wanted to do was sit down and watch some tv. He wanted to talk, standing up in the room(you got it...he wouldn't even let me sit on our bed), about something that was nonsense. Talking wasn't the problem for me. I just wanted to go relax and talk about it. I kept trying to get out the room for at least an hour and then he does it.
He mushed me into the wall and it turned into a fight. Yes, I fought back but in the decision to finally leave him, I had to face he same things other women have to face and deal with when they're in an abusive relationship. First of all, it took me three months to even deal with the situation. We still lived together after the fight but was barely around each other. Still seeing him on a regular basis did nothing to me for the first three months. I numbed myself because I didn't want to hurt. After those three months, I closed myself up in the room when he wasn't home and just cried and cried. I had to deal with it and I had to make a decision. But, I loved him. I wanted to be with only him. There was no one like him. So I thought. Needless to say, I went against my own standard and belief so I can be with him. That belief is, because I fight back, if I have to fight you I don't need you. I dropped that. I loved him and didn't want to be without him. He was a great guy. I will never take that away from him but he let his anger get to an all time high which was definitely not ok.
It took me a while to finally walk away. In fact, we broke back up and then got back together. We broke up again because I saw the same signs I saw before the fight. We got back together again because of the same love I had for him that influenced me to take him back the first time. If I would have allowed it to, it would have became an never ending story because I kept seeing it and my love never changed for him at the time.
I made my final decision when I thought about all the times someone would make a quick movement around me and I would jump. That's embarrassing! There were also times when he would get angry and I went in defense mode. Then I'd think about the time I told one of my sisters, who had also been in an abusive relationship, that she needs to leave because if he'll hit her, he'll kill her. Not to mention the thoughts I had about my sons thinking it's ok to hit a woman and my daughter accepting that lifestyle; especially, after I thought her that that is unacceptable. I didn't want to live my life in fear that him and I would one day get into another fight. I also desired to be an example of what I taught my children. If you're wondering if my daughter repeated to me what I said to her about a man hitting her, yes she did. That in itself sped the process up. Everything in the apartment was mine and I walked away and left everything I owned except me and my children's clothes. I was done!
I'm not saying to it's easy to leave. As you can see, I struggled to leave myself. However, at some point, you have to say I deserve better. I want more than this for myself. You definitely should think about your safety as well as you children's safety. I'm aware that some men are also victims, too, so this is for you all, also. Leave! It's okay to leave. Get out of it. I know that some of you don't fight back and I know that it may have happened more than once but remember, the things that may be running through your head as it relates to leaving, I had the same or similar things running through mine. I may not have shared them all but I did. I had tons of thoughts running through my head. I felt the emotions just like you. I'm no different. It just happened once and I fought back but everything else is the same. If I can find the strength to leave, so can you.
Now, I know there is some crazy people out here so I wouldn't encourage you to leave without encouraging you to pray for God's protection as you free yourself from the abuse. Pray and ask God to shield you, your kids, and your family. Don't let threats stop you. Place the situation in God's hands and leave. At the end of the day, you staying is more dangerous than you leaving. While you're at it, give your life to Him if you haven't. I just had to throw that in there. Make the decision to be free.
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