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by Jo Lena Johnson, Steven Charles Martin and Kevin Fleming; book excerpt from Strategic Planning for Love & War, Relationships and Adult Conv...
“Seven Whole Days” Toni Braxton
“Don’t Be Afraid” Aaron Hall
“Killing Me Softly With His Song” Roberta Flack
“Killing Me Softly With His Song” The Fugees
“I’m Going Down” Rose Royce
“I’m Going Down” Mary J. Blige
“I Will Survive” Gloria Gaynor
“Blame It” Jamie Foxx
“Tony then grabbed me by the neck, turned me around, and slammed me against my car. He punched me several times in my face and when I dropped to the ground he kicked me over and over again. I knew this was it for me. It was almost 4 in the morning, no one was out at this time, and my phone had been thrown in a sewer; I couldn’t even make an emergency call. I didn't need a mirror to see that, once again, my face was a mess. Tony threw my car keys on the ground and he walked away, leaving me there. I felt the warm blood from my nose run from my face and watched as it drained in the same sewer my phone had been thrown. I was able to pick myself up once again and drive home.
I was a victim of what most would describe as domestic abuse. I was too embarrassed to say anything to anyone and therefore have kept it a secret until now. Falling on the ground was much easier than rising up again.” ~ Aigner Martin, excerpt from her book “Perseverance is Remembrance.”
Too many people find themselves in living nightmares. It starts with a look, a nod, or a stare. It escalates to a few chosen words and then before you know it, “Pow! Bam! Kick!” Certainly there are people who chronically abuse others and if you are seeing, feeling, or noticing abusive behaviors don’t take them lightly. This is true for you and for friends and family members alike. Too many times people feel isolated, ashamed, alone and are silent, perhaps even suicidal.
Becoming a victim is never intentional but staying a victim can become addictive. Then it becomes a pattern, just like the abuser. Listen to the lyrics and be amazed…
“I Put a Spell on You” Nina Simone
“I Put a Spell on You” Queen Latifah
“Sh*t, Damn, MF” D’Angelo
“Hey Joe” Jimi Hendrix
There are many types of abuse and it can occur in different ways. When we hear about abuse we often think about physical abuse and stalking, but there are so many different types and it’s all serious. No one deserves to be abused. Other types include Emotional/Verbal Abuse, Financial Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and Digital Abuse (using texting and social networking to monitor, bully or intimidate a partner through technology.)
People often stay in these relationships because of conflicting emotions like fear, believing abuse is normal, embarrassment, low self-esteem, love, and pressure (from peers, elders, or for cultural or religious reasons).
Too many times people won’t leave because they feel a reliance on the abusive partner. If you think you won’t have enough money or nowhere to go, it leads to deeper feelings of isolation and helplessness.
If you are being abused, get help. And, if you think someone you know is being abused, reach out and offer support, love, tangible help, and no judgment.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or www.TheHotline.Org is a great source of information f
or anyone who has considerations, questions or needs. All calls to the National Domestic Violence Hotline are anonymous and confidential.
Take this time to reflect. Understand that physical, mental, verbal and sexual abuse are not substitutes or excuses for love. These are acts of control. An abusive person wants to have absolute power over you – not necessarily the relationship itself.
“Get to understand the characteristics of this type of person and please do not ignore the red flags. If they have ‘put you in isolation,’ away from friends and family, that is a sign of abuse. You do have a choice. If you don’t take the time to get to know someone, you can be ill-treated, misunderstood and have a distorted idea that abuse is about love. It’s not. It’s about control, rooted in their fear.
Smoke screens wrapped in ‘I didn’t mean to break your jaw’ or ‘force you into…’ cloud your vision and have you thinking it’s love but it’s beyond love and war, it’s about your life. Don’t put or keep yourself in potentially life-threatening situations for anyone or anything.” ~ Ice
“U.N.I.T.Y.” Queen Latifah
“Golden” Jill Scott
“Optimistic” Sounds of Blackness
Jo Lena Johnson, Be Inspired!
Offering Inspiration and Solutions
Ready to Rise? Book a strategic planning or communication session for your professional or personal life or relationships with Jo Lena email@example.com
Jo Lena Johnson, Be Inspired! Helps people learn how to communicate, lead, overcome conflict and build relationships through group & individual training sessions, seminars, coaching and workshops - personally and professionally. Communication is the Key!
Need relationship help? Follow @AskIceWater on Twitter. www.strategicplanningforloveandwar.com
Offering Relationship Solutions, Strategy, Coaching, customized presentations from and for the male and female perspective, Award Winning Authors Steven Charles Martin and Jo Lena Johnson, a couple in real life, refer to themselves as “IceWater,” which symbolizes the differences and similarities between men and women.
Book a communication session by sending an email to IceWater@absolutegood.com
January 29, 2013 from 12pm to 1pm at online webinar
Organized By: Terry Jackson
Added by Jo Lena Johnson on January 5, 2013
Added by Will Rogers on January 15, 2013
Added by Lisa Caillouet on January 12, 2013
Added by Theresa Perez on January 14, 2013